The truth was this was the moment, when all those emotions I had swept under the rug weren’t just creeping out, somebody had removed the whole darn rug and they were out in the open. Once I realized what was really going on, I let it ALL out. I was honest about how I felt, I got honest about how my pride was damaged and I finally got real about why it hurt me so much.
See, like I said earlier during my pregnancy he had said the same thing to one of his “women” and then asked me to do the same because he was afraid she was going to cut his phone off. He said the same thing a second time when a woman he was “seeing” found pictures of my ultrasound and pregnancy pictures and texted 10 different women in his phone, including me. And he basically did it a third time when I dropped by his house days before going into labor, and he wouldn’t let me in because one of his “women” were on their way and he didn’t want to get caught with me 10 months pregnant standing there.
So it wasn’t really his words that hurt me, because he had said them before. It was the fact that he said it to my face in front of all his family and kids. It was the public shame, the fact that other people were questioning my integrity, and possibly seeing me as a hoe that hurt. It was the fact that I had to answer a million and two questions from my family and friends about why he would say something like that. Here was a man who knew me for 10 years, he knew all of the things I had been through with men especially my other children’s fathers and he was in my eyes allowing the world to question the one thing no one ever questioned before, ME.
Just like I feared, when I got the phone call about his death, I had to hear over and over again how he had told anyone who asked or would listen that my son wasn’t his child. He had even gone so far as to tell them he had a DNA test done. When, Sway, like when? I had to hear over and over again how even though he was a habitual liar, womanizer and didn’t take care of any of his kids (he has 8, 9 including mine) that the one thing he has never done is deny his kids. The one good thing for me that come from his death was the death of the black cloud that had been keeping me in hiding in a lot of ways. I was afraid to level up in business, I was afraid to be on certain platforms because the fear always remained what if he told the world his lies.
Not only have I dealt with this issue, but I’ve healed from it. I’m not bothered in the least bit by all the questions, the doubts or concerns of others. I’m my son’s mother and my husband is now his father so the rest of this is dead with the man they buried last week.
R.I.P. to all the lies, the drama and the man that tried to destroy me but only broke me for a moment.