I’m going to keep it real and tell you WHY I do what I do and the TRUTH of how I got to be a woman with 4 kids by 4 different men…
My Truth! My Why!
From 18 to 20 I was in a “relationship” in which I ignored every sign, clue, hint and red flag. I saw only what I wanted to see and was somewhat content. That relationship resulted in my daughter and when the dust settled all the things I didn’t want to see were starring me right in my face. I spent 2 years as the “sidechick” and in a make believe situation. I should have learned my lesson, I pretended for years that I had learned my lesson but the truth of it all is I had learned NOTHING.
That relationship, more importantly the relationship I built with my daughter’s sister’s mother, was the beginning of me becoming Ms. Jennifer Pink, Single Mom Sage but it took years for me to learn those lessons. And now I do what I do so my daughter doesn’t have to learn my lessons but instead be better than I ever could be.
At 21 I became a single mother. I thought so what, what’s the big deal. I got this, me and my girl will be good. Somewhere between then and 23 I decided that the answer to my man problem was to date the complete opposite of what I had been dealing with. No more ninjas, thugs, hustlers… I opted for a laid-back Half White Half Mexican man who acted Black. I remember once I realized he was all in to me I TOLD HIM we were getting married. While we planned the wedding a baby was made. My family was complete a daughter, a son, and a husband. I also got to be a stay home wife/mother. 2 years in we were separated and I found myself at the mercy of government assistance to feed my kids and survive. I realized for the first time men weren’t the problem but still wasn’t clear what my problem really was…
I struggled for about 2 years on welfare steadily looking for a job. After about a year I also found myself homeless with two kids. I started my non-profit during this time and began to become better but I never did the self-work, answered the hard questions. As luck would have it in November of 2010 I started a career with the County of Los Angeles that same month I was blessed with an apartment; things appeared to be turning around. But by February of the very next year I found myself pregnant again this time by a man who had 5 kids I knew of, a slew of women and was just “my friend”. I fell into the darkest depression I ever had and hid my pregnancy until I was 4.5 months. I was sure this baby was the end of me, all my dreams, hopes & aspirations. Little did I know he was the turning point in me walking in my purpose, falling in love with God and finally dealing with my real problem: ME!
I wish I could say Josiah was all I needed to finally “get my life” but in true Jennifer hard-head fashion I had to fall even harder before I could come all the way up. See every victory I thought I encountered from 18 to 28 was just a small break in the storm. After Josiah i found myself the victim of domestic violence and almost lost my life, a string of Friends With Benefits relationships, where I was good enough to do but not good enough to date. It all ended with relationship that displayed my hardest test and biggest battle; the fight between what I wanted and what I needed, the fight between my natural spoiled looks good on paper self and my spiritual walk straighter He has a purpose for your life self. Eventually all the relationships ended and I did the work, I should have done from the beginning.
It didn’t take years because I finally made a decision to do the work for me and while I was in each situation I had started to do the work. I finally realized and got real about how much I didn’t love me, how much of a victim to the cycle I had become and how much GREATNESS was inside of me. When I got honest about those things, I could get honest about what my future husband looked like, why I was born to be more than a single mom and finally learn the lesson each relationship and man had been trying to teach me all along.
Today I am passionate about the Single Mom community and Black Mothers because I know how many lies and partial truths we tell ourselves to just make it through. I am determined to be a radical change agent and help build my community into a village and help heal the women who are broken and need to be set FREE from their shackles. So when you see me going hard know it’s because that is the only way my pain serves His Purpose….
The best part about learning the lessons, Growing through the ish and becoming the woman God called me to be is that His Promises to me began to come to life. He promised a husband and a baby to complete my family. And in the blink of an eye I became Mrs. Jennifer McGhee and had my final baby J’adore Jennifer. Her name means I adore Jennifer, my husband picked it without knowing what it meant how cool and from God is that!!!
This is My Truth! This is My Why!
Let me know in the comments what spoke to YOU and WHY! Don’t forget sharing is caring so share away on all your social media and even directly with a Mommy friend or two.